he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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