from now on my penis is your penis
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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