If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
