She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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