i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
