You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's never too late to be topless.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
