i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
