addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
