I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
