after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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