Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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