is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize