Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
