Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
