My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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