remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
