Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry about my life...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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