my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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