I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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