New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
