Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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