I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize