so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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