We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
