hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize