Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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