So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Are we still banned from the library?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
