I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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