They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to calm my uterus...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize