Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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