chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
