hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
