meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
