it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think your dad took our porno
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
