I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
