I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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