I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
