the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
