so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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