My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
