Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
