talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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