ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
