I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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