Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
