I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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