MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
