dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
