Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
