Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
