At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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