Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
