Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
