you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
