why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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