Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize