why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
