Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
