I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Banned from zoo.
Again?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
