Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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