Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
