Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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