Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize