The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
