Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
