never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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