I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
