but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
