You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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