the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
