I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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