dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize