I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
