dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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