Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
