There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
