I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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