She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
