I heard we made out
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
