Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
