I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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