Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
