yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
