Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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