I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
