i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
