So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I will die if light touches me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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