I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
