No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize