where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
