He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
