So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize