Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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