One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
