My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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