i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize