I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
