p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
