So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
