Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
