ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
