At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
