Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
