At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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