try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
