It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
