respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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