he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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